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My self, my self-self, my day-self, wanted control, would not cede the stage. My night-self, my secret double, my crafty doppelganger lurked in the background. I watched the moon fade, the sun come up. Tired, breathless, weary, I lay down, closed my eyes but the night-self would not come. But I have trouble remembering. I cannot remember though I struggle to grab it and hold it. And I want to put it into words but the words will not come.
The words retreat, fall back, fall behind, remain in the dream, out of reach but so tantalizingly close. It is very often you can wake up in the morning and start writing and you have this experience: It will come out in detail. The work is done while you sleep; and the discipline of writing is almost to keep from interfering with that creative work that is done by the unconscious.
A similar proverb, from the Russian: A kind of process, something wise, something useful. Wake up wiser, that is the idea. But that is a dream, a kind of dream, an illusion. I, for one, wake no wiser. I awoke from The Sickness at the age of forty-five, calm and sane, and in reasonably good health…Most survivors do not remember the delirium in detail. I apparently took detailed notes on sickness and delirium. I have no precise memory of writing the notes… He is not talking of course about the proper kind of waking from the proper kind of sleep, but a different delirium altogether.
And yet The Sickness is a kind of sleep, a similar kind of mystery. One wakes up, unawares, caught by surprise, caught by lingering evidence of a parallel life, unbelievable but documented, not to be thrown off. It is oblivion, lovely. So much is possible. I wake up and do not know how much time has passed. There is the moment of waking, the attempt to reconstruct.
Most mornings, it is only a lingering feeling, a sensation unnamable. I am afraid I often forget something very beautiful. To look for meaning and beauty and knowledge in that other part of myself and my life, the part I do not fully know and will not fully know and cannot fully know. I think of wandering through a museum, of the feeling I get in a museum sometimes, the walls almost closing in, the tremendous beauty, the overwhelming beauty. I get tired, something about maintaining an unnaturally slow pace, the slow treading.
It is a feeling of accomplishment, of work done and the tiredness at the end of the day, a sweet tiredness. I wake up with that feeling sometimes, as if I have completed an important task and must now assess the work. I wake up with the vaguest hint of a headache, a slight, slight hint of an ache, almost exquisite in its fineness, in the quality of tenderness; then the slow absorption of the things to be done, the start of the day.
I brush my teeth in the shower. Make a cup of coffee. Reach for the cigarettes. Inhale, exhale—a choreographed routine of a very simple dance. It is mechanical, motion after motion, executed every day, part of every day. I look in the mirror and the face I see, the face of every one of my days, is just there. Smoke on the porch, inhale, exhale. A cup of tea. Brush my teeth, my hair, wash my face.
I get into bed, lie on my right side, face the wall. A mirror image, an unnoticed, unexamined reversal of my morning. That is the variable, the unknowable. Sometimes, I am smaller, shrunken, the borders of my body fragile and blurred. Sometimes, bigger, stronger, massive and powerful. My dimensions are erased when I close my eyes for the night. This world is phased out and another is entered and the body is prepared, scaled to match its new environment.
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They said to expect the phone the first week of Oct. Great first impression Motorola is making. Recipients including Mulligan, who ingested 35 fecal transplant pills one day last June and another 20 the next. Duye has not spoken publicly about the murder case. Daphne was a real trooper when we rehearsed it—she must have landed on the cardboard practice table a couple dozen times. She needed to land in just the right place on the table, so it was a bit of a challenge for her to convincingly be knocked over by the door opening.
The solution was having her friend push really hard on the door and for Daphne to simultaneously push off the door at the same time. If you really look, you can see that she pushes off the door a little bit with her left leg. Forest Service engine crew. All five crew members died. A man was convicted of setting the fire and sentenced to death. The city, led by Emergency Manager Kevyn Orr,has been unable to provide many basic services to residents.
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Robinson Cano 4-for-4, two RBI made the lefty reliever pay with a two-run double to the right field gap to tie the game at 4. And while later development will see bed numbers in some areas of the hospital increased, by the time the whole of the hospital is redeveloped it is envisaged it will have beds compared with the current total of It reaches everyone from store manager to CEO, covering the entire industry. MCV is published by Intent Media, which specialises in entertainment, leisure and technology markets.
The Texans were penalized a team record 14 times for a whole lot of holdings and offsides for yards on the game. But Johnson and that explosive Lions aerial attack can be held in check by hassling quarterback Matthew Stafford, who has yet to be sacked this preseason. The Patriots have recorded five sacks in about six series from their starting defense. By the second, he had already matched a season high with four walks and had thrown 42 pitches.
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He invited her along to the Toronto International Film Festival and she accepted.
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